The Reason You Hate Me

There could be other reasons and goodness knows, I'm probably not the one to ask or tell about these things for the most part, seeing as how I'm me and all, and that could be really awkward, but if you've just recently started hating me, this is probably why.

It seems that as of late, all of my good and bad moods are exactly in sync with the opposite moods of my friends.

It's like I'm a chameleon. But an opposites chameleon. It's like everyone is blue and then I step in front of everyone and my entire body turns red, just like I'm trying to piss them off or something. 

This is rather inconvenient.
For example, today was awesome, and this is how I felt today:

The sun was shining, I'd had a killer-awesome voice lesson, and I had cookie dough ice cream, and I'm seeing Spring Awakening tomorrow, and I corrected my archaeology professor because he messed up his stratigraphy diagrams. All in all, pretty awesome.

But it seems like everyone else in the world had a really REALLY shitty day today. One thing after another. Unfathomably shitty. Apparently the world was just covered in a terrible ickygrossness of bad things. This is how everyone else felt today:

It's really awkward being happy around people who are unhappy. Like..... I want to be unhappy with them just so that I don't feel like such a bitch for not sharing their sadness and being able to relate. But at the same time I don't want to be sad. For two reasons.


One: Duh. Being sad is sad. And sadness isn't happiness. And happiness is preferable.

Two: Because this little law works the other way around too. Sometimes, when every other thing in the world is red, my chameleon has a chance of turning blue.

It's always that one day that everything is going terribly for me that everything is going splendidly for everyone else.

And then I look even more pathetic by comparison. Because everyone is happy.

                    Everyone.

                                     Except me.

And then I feel like everyone is looking at me and laughing at me and talking about what a little baby I am behind my back. It's silly, I know. And even then I know it's silly, but I don't care because in that moment, it's true. And then it's like everyone is being happy just to spite me.

And then I tell myself that I'm being irrational. But that doesn't honestly make me want to be more rational. It just makes me want to cry more.

And it's fucking annoying. In fact, that's probably why you hate me.



P.S. It could also just be because I weird you out.... But if you're actually reading this then it's probably not the case... Or you enjoy it or something.